Unfortunate Pickup Lines
by rosevioletsmile123
Summary: Draco tries to ask Hermione out.


**Unfortunate Pickup Lines**

**Summary: Draco tries to ask Hermione out.**

**Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling. If I were, I could probably think of better uses of my time than writing fanfiction. I don't own the Harry Potter characters. Don't own half the stuff Draco says, either.**

* * *

The first time he gets her alone, she's studying under the tree, the light dancing on her bushy brown hair. He pauses several feet away to smooth out his already slick blonde hair. He puts on his sexiest and smuggest smirk and walks over to where she is lying on her stomach, head bent over a heavy textbook. She looks up, her chocolate eyes meeting his stormy grey ones, and inwardly groans. "Malfoy," she says curtly, sitting upright.

"Granger." He nods, the smirk never leaving his face. He sits in the grass beside her and she is hoping, _praying_, that Harry and Ron will be finished with Quidditch practice soon.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" She is exasperated as he leans closer to her, his breath tickling her ear.

"What makes you think I want anything, Granger?" He is murmuring now and his lips tickle her ear. She moves away with surprising speed and chants a mantra to herself inwardly not to hit him.

"Well, for one, you sat next to me. And I am trying to complete this transfiguration homework, if you will so kindly go away."

"There is one thing I want."

She is agitated now and she growls her next sentence, clenching her teeth. "Will you enlighten me then, so you can go away?" Quidditch practice has to be over soon, right?

"You." He leans towards her and she stands up, backing away.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, then." Her voice is dripping with sarcasm. "But for some strange reason, I am not interested. Could it be all the years of torment you put me through? All the ways you have insulted my friends? Malfoy, please leave me alone _now_." She emphasizes the last word, hoping he got the message.

His expression turns dark, and then softens. "Or what, you'll tell a professor? I am through with all that childish behavior now. I don't think mudbloods are scum." The very use of this word proves her point. "And-" He steps toward Hermione, coming in extremely uncomfortable proximity. "I always get what I want, Granger." He takes one step closer and Hermione has decided that she has had enough, because she pushes him away from her with surprising force.

"Now," she says, her voice more firm. "Get away from me."

He turns to leave, but before he walks away he says, "You can't resist me, Granger. I'm a Malfoy, and Malfoys are irresistible." She snorts at the falsity of that statement.

Once he is gone, she sits back in the grass, suddenly feeling the urge to shower. A couple minutes later, Ron and Harry show up, laughing. "How's the studying going, Hermione? Ready for the OWLs yet?" teases Ron.

She smiles slightly. "Not yet, Ron. It's never too early to prepare. By the way, do all your Quidditch practices take this long?"

* * *

The second time he tries, she is scrambling to pick up her books. She looks up to see the form of Draco Malfoy looming over her. "What do you want, Malfoy?" She had a horrible feeling she already knew.

"Want to follow me to the Slytherin common room, Granger? I could put my snake in your dungeons." He wiggled his brow suggestively and Hermione feels like taking another shower. She started to flush in sheer disgust of the line.

"Malfoy, leave. Me. Alone. I have no idea what has gotten into you but it had better stop."

"Going to make me, Granger?" In response, she storms past him, bushy hair waving behind her.

The third time, she is gathering her possessions from Potions and sweeping them into her already overflowing bag. Harry and Ron have already gone on to Defense Against the Dark Arts, as she berated them about upsetting Umbridge. She is regretting not following them because when she turns, there he is with a stricken expression on his face. But she can see past the falsities.

"Granger…. I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm a veela and if we don't get together, then I'll die!" His face collapses back into its normal state and he awaits her response.

Whereas the previous time she was disgusted, now she is embarrassed of Malfoy's stupidity. "You do realize that veela are only female, right? I read it in _Veelas, Troublesome Temptressses_." She figures her best bet for getting him to leave her alone is to bore him with knowledge. "Veelas are a solely female race of beings that lure young men with suggestive dances. Seeing the dance and hearing the voices of veela can cause these young men to perform harrowing feats of stupidity and can also cause them to incessantly brag in order to impress the veela. When veela are angry, they-"

"Damn," he says, then walks away to devise a better strategy. She swoops up her books and runs to class.

She makes it just as Umbridge is saying, "Hem, hem. Get out your books. There will be no need to talk." For once, Hermione listens to the toad's words wholeheartedly and without complaint. A vein pulses in her temple.

* * *

Malfoy has not bothered her in several days and she takes a risk by sitting beneath the tree once more. She has not been studying even ten minutes when Draco sits beside her.

"Hello, Granger." _Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it_, she chides herself. "Mind if I Slytherin next to you?" No response.

"Do you want to hold my wand?" No response.

"You know Platform 93/4? I know something else with the exact same measurements." No response, but Hermione's jaw clenches.

"I'm an excellent Quidditch player. Want to ride my broomstick?" _No violence Hermione, no violence. If you don't react, he'll go away_. Draco moves closer.

"Your blood may be dirty, but your skin looks clean and soft to me." He places a finger on her hand and she jerks away, berating herself. She has reacted and given him an invitation.

"Do you want to go to the Hog's Head, if you know what I mean?"

"Want to head to the Shrieking Shack? We could do some shrieking of our own." At this he moves closer and touches his lips to hers. It is just a faint touch because at that moment Hermione pushes him away with force and stands up; her towering above his body crouched on the ground. She bends down and slaps him hard across the face.

"Get away NOW, Malfoy!" She pulls her wand out as he raises a hand to his throbbing cheek. "If you EVER get near me again, I will hex you so hard you won't be able to stand upright for weeks. Now GO!" He scrambles to get up, almost tripping over his own feet in the process. Her wand is pointed at his back as he stumbles away. She sits back down, but finds it difficult to concentrate. She considers going to watch Harry and Ron's Quidditch practices in the future.

* * *

Blaise is laughing mirthlessly behind a tree when Draco catches up to him, scowling as he waits for his friend to stop chortling. Blaise finally gets to the point where his can pause between laughs. "That was hilarious, mate!"

"I'm glad you think so," Draco says coldly. "Granger hits harder than she did two years ago."

At that, Blaise starts laughing again, only this time he holds out his hand. Draco lays two Galleons in it. "That's the last time I ever bet you."

"I told you that you couldn't get with every girl in Hogwarts," Blaise says. "It's not my fault you didn't listen to me."

Draco scowls. He hates being made a fool of. "Well, Granger is a useless Mudblood, and a special case."

"So you could get with any other girl at Hogwarts?"

"I am reasonably confident. Granger is nothing but a useless Mudblood who has eyes only for Weasley. No other girls are immune to the charms of Draco Malfoy." He stands up straighter, letting the sun shine its rays on his perfectly styled hair.

"So, I bet you ten Galleons you can't get with another girl I suggest."

He knows he shouldn't, but then again, he knows that he is Draco Malfoy, Slytherin Prince. "Agreed."

"I bet you can't get with Weaslette." Blaise gestures to the redhead dipping her toes into the lake.

Draco knows as well as Blaise does that Ginny Weasley has an excellent Bat-Bogey hex and isn't afraid to use it. He also knows that she has six older brothers, all of whom despise him and the Malfoy name. The color drains from Draco's face as Blaise dissolves into laughter once more.

* * *

**AN: As I mentioned in my profile, I don't like this pairing. The point of the story was that Draco only asked out Hermione as a bet. Please review. Also, check out my other story, **_**The Next Generation vs Lord Voldemort's Regime**_**.**


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